How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Randomize
