I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
