I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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