YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
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she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
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I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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