dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
