Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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