When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
