Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
