I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
