how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
