It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
