Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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