Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
