So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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