Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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