Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
40s are totally the cure
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
