ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
