There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
