JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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