1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
