I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
