i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
