There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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