____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
we're so committed to being not committed
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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