You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
