My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
