I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
