So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
