just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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