i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
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I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
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it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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