how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
