OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
