sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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