i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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