I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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