I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
