the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize