I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize