It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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