At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
