I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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