Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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