well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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