I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
