Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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