If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
