You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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