4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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