Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
