Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
