Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
