Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
