Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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