She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
