If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
