Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
