He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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