I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize