OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
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she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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