We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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