I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
